Teachings 3, Bird Tribe revelations,

Typically when I write a blog of this sort, I leave quite a bit for the reader to figure out by via metaphor and reading in between the lines. I try to be somewhat obvious so as to steer you in the proper direction of my message. In other blogs my message is clear and to the point. Almost so obvious that I appear clumsy to myself.
This blog however will be quite the opposite of both. I am simply going to say nothing at all and let you figure it out for your self as this is something I feel is necessary
for ones continued evolution in matters such as these. Go For it! Its as simple as


1) SECRETS



2) TUNE IN



3) A GIFT



4) of?

Personel Branding whos the pimp, who's the ho

There is that beautiful word, "brand", a word that personally for me is just starting to seem disgusting.
And this is the problem I have with it. Branding is cool if your Campbell soup or Pepsi.Its cool when its accompanied by a viable product that you can put your hands on.
But in all other cases as cool as it seems, eventually, that brand is realized to be worthless if it does not have a viable product with value. "Sooner rather than later it becomes like what it is. Nothing because its credibility and believability becomes shot to shit as soon as people get sick of being sold a bill of goods. Now the advertisers will lead you to believe differently because at the end of the day when your personnel brand has been chewed up and spit out they will still have there product and can move on to someone else. So where are you left. I guess it depends on how much they paid you. I'm guessing not much. Actors and musicians and artists all survive by working with advertisers at some point in there career. I've done it and made decent money at it from time to time. I strongly feel however that right now its just a little to much. It seems to me that a way to large percentage of the business models on the Internet depend entirely to much on advertisers. At what point does the artist draw the line and say OK I'm no longer an artist. I'm a face on a product and that's what I am limited to and beholden to. There has to be a balance. What I'm suggesting is that the personal brand can and will become worthless if the artist does not maintain a certain degree of credibility over time. This means at some point the actor will have to get back to biz of acting or the musician back to the biz of making good music or risk losing their value. A good example of balance on the Internet in my opinion is what Andrew Baron is doing at Rocket Boom. The content is not effected by the advertising money it draws upon. There are many other examples of this on the Internet but this is one that I am familiar with. I would like to say what I consider bad examples but I won't single anyone out. I just simply will stop watching them not because I'm so principled but it just feels natural to me to be losing interest in what they have to say because I no longer believe it. Some of you are using product placement in videos to earn money. I'm not suggesting this is wrong for you personally at this time. Some of you are quite good at it and keep it entertaining. Andy Warhol's Absolute Warhol was what I consider a good example of an artist making money and keeping credibility. Aside from the talented ones who can weave the product into there normal regime of silliness, I think the rest of you suck at it.
And blatantly doing it is funny the first few times but how long do you think that shtick will last. For me, its luster is gone. I don't watch your videos any more. And again, I'm not some principled person who is self righteous. I just don't like getting spoon fed a load of crap over and over again. Now perhaps I'm partial to Caitlin Hill because I'm a fan but to date her promotions in video in my opinion have been somewhat Warhol like in the fact that for the most part she creatively interweaves the product in what one would expect her to normally do in her creative brain. Its seems natural to me that someone who's Internet fame built on a false sense of reality should then continue in that tradition by injecting herself into her product in the same fantasy like dream world. Its funny. What I would caution against however, is lack of balance. The degree of credibility for some more than others is disintegrating. Quickly. At some point the selling of your personal brand has to take a back seat to the further development of who you are and the continued acquiring of accomplishment that keeps that brand sustainable. The slippery slope here in my opinion
is in making the tough choices as to how to proceed in that fashion before all is lost in one direction or another. This is entirely just an opinion but one has to ask themselves to take a long hard look at how the selling of themselves will effect there long term effectiveness and sustainability. And they have to do it honestly. Simply saying that its "more acceptable" now is just an easy way out. And it seems to me the only people saying it are the ones doing it. This blog for me is just an honest representation of one consumers concern that that sustainability is more limited than you think. That said, good luck. Slippery slopes can be fun sometimes and some of you are certainly up to the challenge of keeping your balance but most of you are not. So
to those I say. If your going to burn it, at least walk away with more than a ho's share. Cuz pimps usually don't care about beat up hags when there is plenty of stock in the stable to exploit next year.

Send Lawyers, Guns and Money!

This will be a continuation of my micro blog on twitter and is simply a rant so if you don't like that kind of thing then do not continue reading.

Today I watched executives and lawyers whittle my percentage of a project I spent 2 years developing down to 7.5 percent of the wholesale price of an album. Sounds good to most I'm sure because it roughly translates to 75 cents per album. Hey if the album sells 100000 in sales that is 75 grand right? Wrong. If I was to take that #, which is highly unlikely unless a major label pumps millions into marketing(unlikely) which would further delay any profits until cost were recouped, and divide it by the hours I spent working on this project it would probably come out to about 5 or 10 dollars an hour. Disgust is the order of the day considering Best Buy will be making 8 times that # and 2 times of it is at no risk considering they will receive 2 dollars in advance for shelf space.
What is wrong with this picture? The artist and I both get screwed. The artist however delights in building a brand to which they can eventually make money doing shows and
and selling merchandise etc. Yes I retain publishing for co writing but that is money that will not be realized unless and until a brand is established by that artist so it can pretty much be resigned to be considered an early retirement fund.
Why am I wining and complaining, because the existing establishment has created an environment where young artists with out sufficient advances from labels can not afford to give producers and studio musicians advances on there royalty payments to survive the tumultuous first few years. This means that as the situation deteriorates
further into oblivion that if producers want to work to establish unknown artists without the advances that established artists get, some other model will have to be adapted. And since the existing wall marts and borders, show no sign of bending there is only one option.
So in the future when I ask for a percentage of shows and a piece of your brand, don't act like I'm some sort of scum bag. Be happy about the fact that after your label is done shoving
a pole up your ass for the millions they spent on your videos and marketing I'm still here, willing to take the time to show you how to get it right knowing full well I will never see a fucking dime from them.

"The adventure Back to Practice" Trippy stories 2

This night on campus was particularly high energy. You could feel the electricity in the air and there seemed to be an above average amount of students as well as strangers out and about on campus. There was also a presence of secret service agents milling about due to a n.a.t.o. (North Atlantic Treaty Organization) summit going on at a small private convention center less than a mile away. As I left the campus pub with my friend screaming at me to stay I walked out the door and into a wind storm of fury that was completely out of the ordinary because it was a beautiful night when I had entered.
I then was blinded by a spotlight coming down from a helicopter that seemed to be shining directly at me. I was not aware of the N.A.T.O. meeting until later that night when my room mate told me it was going on. In retrospect I realized the choppers which seemed to be everywhere were probably security for top diplomats from all over the world or transportation at the least. But at the time, they were after me, I ran back inside and thought, they are looking for me. I should not have taken this shit. I huddled in the entrance way to the pub in fear of going back in but also not wanting to be arrested and taken away by the secret service. I could not make a decision. I leaned against a wall and tried to hide in it. The wall would not let me in. All around me were people saying high and laughing. It seemed everyone was laughing at me and I could not even form sentences to try and save face at all. With more and more stares shot at me I withdrew deeper into a primitive state. I must control myself I thought. No tears, no feelings, just be strong and get the fuck out of here. So I mustered the courage to face the outside. I waited until the chopper had disappeared and set out across the plaza. I was not out there but 2 minutes and the chopper circled and started back. So I ran towards some shrubs and dove in behind them. I spent the next half hour or so in total fear that I was being stalked by the choppers. I also could not face people so I hid in the bushes for a while. I waited for there to be no one in sight and for the chopper to be somewhere else and slowly made my way across campus diving for cover and avoiding the chopper and people when ever I saw them. After doing this 3 or 4 times I started to feel a little confident that I would be able to make it to my practice room without encountering anyone or being arrested. I started to take some chances. I figured I could run even when the chopper was visible as long as I did not get caught in the light beam emanating from it. As my confidence grew I covered more distance faster.
Tree to tree, bush to bush. I was becoming one with my surroundings and blending in. I could also hear groups of students from distances and even smell them before I could see them and that made it much easier to plan for hiding when I had larger distances between areas of cover.
I was becoming an animal.
When I reached the center of campus I had to take a chance because there was a very long distance I had to go before there would be a tree or shrub to hide behind. Something strange was beginning to happen to me that felt familiar.

As a child I had severe recurring night mares. The dream took on many forms but always had the recurring theme that something was trying to possess me. It was an energy that felt dark, evil, it terrified me. As I grew older it became more and more difficult and the thing would take more and more control. I would fight and scream and try not to let it in and would always wake up in a cold sweat having forced away what I thought to be the devil or a demon.

Well it was happening, something was taking control of me. I became terrified at the prospect of morphing into a demon. In my dreams when the demon would start to take control of me it would give me the feeling that my face was changing. Almost like in the movies when a man turns into a werewolf.
It began, I tried to fight it but it would have been impossible. I fell to the ground and writhed in pain a bit until it was over. When it was over, I was something else. I thought a wolf perhaps because the next 20 minutes of my journey was spent running on all fours from cover to cover. Growling, drooling. I even thought about going back all the way for the dog. My fear was completely gone. I was only instinct. Survival meant avoidance of people. This, even then, translated to my cognitive
thought as "Surviving my emotions by avoiding them." (interesting to say the least.)
It had to be done none the less. At least until I could be somewhere more comfortable and with someone I trusted.

As I was running like a wolf across the largest span of open campus suddenly the chopper came out of no where. The light shined right on me and with it there seemed to be people everywhere. I was caught. I seemed to be running in circles, away from the light but it was following me and where ever it was, those people, those awful faceless people who laughed at me. Then they started to chase me .My confidence had failed me and I was now being stalked. I was very swift but tripped on a loose brick on the plaza surface. As I turned over my friend (the bass player) was standing over me. "Why are you running away from me, I was worried and have been looking all over for you. Come on back in." he said. I got to my knees and stared at him with contempt.My eyes drifted slowly from his face to his right where I saw the entrance to the campus pub and realized it had taken me an hour or so to go 3 or 4 hundred feet and felt exhausted and beaten.

With out saying a word I fell back to the ground on my back and looked up at the stars.
It was a perfect night. People were gathering around me and chatting with my bass player. As for the chopper, well, I just give up I thought. I can't get away.

That is when I left.I could no longer control my body so my only defense was to leave it. I did not try to do this, it just happened. Suddenly I was floating over myself and could see all the people standing around me. Some of them lied down next to me and others just stood around passing a joint. Interesting perspective was my first reaction but I still could not stand my bass player for double dosing me with out my knowledge so I opted to go further. Higher and higher I floated until I reached the edge of the galaxy. I could go anywhere. I would love to go into intricate detail of my explorations of the solar system and our galaxy but that would probably take up the space of an entire book. Needless to say, I was there. And it was fucked up because I realized the reason I was there was because some higher power was showing me the current imbalance of nature. So many things were wrong with not only our planet but the entire solar system and our galaxy and somehow I new it was our fault as a species.
Not because of something we were doing physically but because of something we were doing on a metaphysical or spiritual level.
When I got to the edge I looked out across a the galaxy and it was in pain is all I can think of to describe. I also noticed a silver metal like chord that was attached to me and was thousands of light years long. It was holding me back from going further.
I heard a voice, perhaps my own inner knowing but what ever it was it said. This is as far as you can go and still come back. If you cut the chord you will never return.
I'm thinking right now of reasons why I decided to return and can only come up with one.
Love
Love is what brought me back. The deepest most powerful unconditional love you could ever imagine. A love that spanned eternity and defied generations of war, separation
and spiritual neglect. And with that though, I was back, instantly. I stood up in the center of the crowd of people with helicopter blowing wind and a beam of light singeing my outer nerve endings and metamorphesized into the demon that I had been fighting my whole life.
I let go, and it did not hurt at all. I realized it was not a demon at all. It was me. It was me that I had been fighting and running from. And with that realization the wings of a mighty dragon spread from my back. My desires thoughts burned like fire. So I took flight and within a few moments after stopping on a few roof tops to reflect,
I arrived at my practice room ready to attack my future. That attack would not be easy, but I was in control. Very loosely but in control. The peak was over and the rest of the evening would be about the gradual regaining of that control and learning a lot about myself and life along the way. Perhaps another chapter will be in order.
until next time.cheers:=)

Trippy stories, am I lying?

Stories of trips I've taken.
Chapter One

Charlie Browns class

I was 21, just finishing a rehearsal with a cover band that I made money playing with on weekends while in college. My bass player (mike) had come into some very difficult to find liquid acid. The strongest you can get. I had done mushrooms a few times and he described it as something very similar. Mushrooms had always been a great experience. Everything was animated and it was all about insightful realizations and being in sync with those you were with. You could really feel the metaphysical connection to things and people and you could communicate with out dialogue in ways that are very hard to describe. Almost like making love with some one that you have a deep and emotional connection with only on a more intellectual level.
So I strangely enough without hesitation agreed. Which is not like me but when I've been playing drums for a couple of hours its very easy to make decisions with a lofty endorphinized (is that a word?) head. So he used an eye dropper to drop the acid into sugar cubes that we sucked on and we let them melt in our mouths as we were packing up our equipment.

Then off to the campus pub:

We met some cool girls and sat down with them ordered a couple of pitchers of beer and chatted it up for a little while. The first effects were not anything out of the ordinary. I just noticed that we were all laughing really hard at jokes and whatever.
But the laughing was really heavy. Loud Boisterous and almost out of control. This was about 45 minutes after we ate the cubes. After another 10 minutes or so I noticed that we would all start laughing at the same moment even when no one was talking as if we had all just at that exact moment noticed something across the room that was funny. But nothing was going on across the room out of the ordinary. My friend looked at me and said "are you OK" and I said "sure." He said "good because its about to get crazy." I had no idea what he was talking about. This is what happened when I first realized the seriousness of my situation. Another uncontrollable fit of laughter, and when I say uncontrollable, I mean I felt like I could not stop. I felt like I was laughing for 20 minutes so loudly that everyone in the pub was looking at me. and Then within seconds the laughter turned to tears.
Everyone else was still laughing but I was crying. Balling my eyes out uncontrollably.
Then my tears turned to faucets. Literally. My eyes were like water falls and my clothes were drenched. I was soaked as if I had just walked outside in a tropical storm. Everyone was laughing and I was embarrassed and trying to stop but I could not.
My body started buzzing and the drenched clothes started to just feel damp. Within a few seconds I realized I was not wet at all. It was weird. My friend looked at me and said, "your cool Chris" and I leaned over and said "I'm embarrassed. I don't know why I was crying" and he replied, " You were not crying. You were singing. Very well I might add" .I realized I had hallucinated the whole experience. That was the first roll as we call them and it lasted about 10 min. Then things were normal for about 5 to 10 minutes. Good times and conversation ensued, I was a little out of place with this crowd. We were not close friends, more like just acquaintances. Then the things started to get going again and I got nervous.
I was looking at another patrons dog that he had brought into the pub and all I could see was the meat. I was hungry. I wanted to eat the dog. I walked over to the dog and petted it and had a second of clarity and realized, "this is not food" but that clarity only lasted a second. I found myself starting to drool and growl. Then I got embarrassed again and went back to the table and was very quite and thinking. "I don't like this." I was very uncomfortable and said to my bass player, "lets get out of here." He was a real ass. He said "no man its just getting fun." Then he started talking to this girl at the table and I felt like he was talking about me being a bummer and shit. So the girl,Trixie was her name, came over and sat very close to me and put her arm around me. She tried to console me and said she was really hoping I would stay so we could get more acquainted. She was quite beautiful and this made me happy so I was good for a few minutes. Then we were talking very closely and her words started to go to mush like the Charlie Brown adults. I could not understand. Then I began to notice that every one at our table and other patrons background conversations were starting to sound like mush.
I pretended to understand and just kept nodding my head. Where it all went to hell was when her face melted. I was talking to a faceless person who sounded like the parents in Charlie Brown. This all would have been fine except that I did not know what to expect and because my entire sense of reality had been bent, it felt like I was going to be like this forever. It got scary. I could not look at her. When I turned to look at some of the other people at our table I realized they were all faceless and talking mush. My base instincts were to find someone with a face who I could understand. So I got up and walked around the pub looking at people and listening. Everyone there was faceless. I was horrified. I remember seeing someone with a face and I ran over to him and struck up a conversation. It was like being lost at sea and finding an island. I could understand him. Then after about 20 minutes of that isolation the wave started to retreat and faces started forming on bodies. Language started to be understandable. My bass player came over and said, "this is wild isn't it." I said "yes that was wild but I'm glad its over. I really did not no what to expect." He said "over? Dude its just starting. we will be rolling like this for 12 hours." It had only been an hour and I was terrified at the prospect of losing complete control. Sure enough when the wave came back, the faces started to melt and the language went to mush and that dam dog was really starting to look appetising. I had to leave. I thought. Practice room. If I can get to my practice room and play some piano I can control what I know and it wont be so bad. So I started to walk out and my friend got belligerent. He said "why man, we got these Chic's." He was selfish. I said "Id rather be alone then hang here with all these shallow faceless people." He sighed and said "I knew I should not have dropped two hits in your cube." I have not spoken to him since. I will publish this and post chapter two in a little bit. Chapter two "the adventure trying to get back to my practice room."

Is this all there is?

For several weeks I have been wanting to write a personal account of my Internet experiences and relationships. Two years ago I decided there was something here, something to all this that was more than business, entertainment and shameless self promotion. Something more than cats on skate boards, idiots acting up, dorks exploiting
there dorkyness and non dorks trying to be dorks because, well, somehow they figured it would be to pretentious to be cool.
It would be stating the obvious and also an understatement to say there is more than that here.
So I won't go into the aspects of community and friendships and business relationships that have been forged. If your reading this you already know about the possibilities and opportunities that advanced communication can and will bring.



The truth is that in starting this blog I lost interest in writing the piece.
Just as I have lost interest in shameless self promotion, cats on skate boards,
dorks being dorks etc. You get the point? There will always be some new act of stupidity with a short half life to capture the masses attention for some mindless entertainment. And there will always be the old media utilizing the forum as a tool
to promote there products. Its just like TV and radio before it.
With one small exception.



That exception? You.... and me..... that is where I'm at and that is what keeps me here.
So despite my lack of interest, in writing a nifty
brilliant summation on how spectacular I think the Internet is and how great you are in it, I decided to write it any way and make it about just saying high. So hey, how are you? Just a little note to tell you how great its been getting to know you.;+)

I'd like to see tv and radio do that.:)

Broken Before it Began

Today I found out that another friend and colleague past.

About 4 years ago I met Brendan. I immediately found him to be a very likable and friendly selfless person. Always with a smile and a good word to cheer you up when the chips were down. Being just casual friends who would hang and play pool at the pub he transcended the typical pub friend relationship by always taking an interest in what was going on in every ones lives outside the pub and always making efforts to expand relationships beyond that often shallow level of bar room interaction. About two years
ago I started hanging with him and his band at there studio and started getting involved
in advising them on there music and recording techniques. As we grew closer I became very impressed with his songwriting capability and made active efforts to stay involved with there development.


Regrets,
As 2008, the worst year ever took hold of most of us, financially, we became detached. Work suddenly became more important because lets face it, it was about survival.
So I lost touch with my friends and became completely dominated by the need to keep the boat afloat so to speak. Today when I was informed of his death I think back on the last year and can't stomach the times that were lost due to self involvement.
Its so hard to do, but we always have to try and remember what is truly important in life even during the most difficult times. Because no matter what happens, life is all we really have for a short, short period. Now I have once again learned the hard way that the best thing to do when the chips are down are to focus on someone else and try to help them.
I'm sorry I was not there for Brendan and I am going to try very hard to be there for you from now on. As human being we all must try to be there for each other because this is all we have for now and we need to make the most of it.

Sexual oppression, Betty Page, and other drool worthy nuggets

With the death of Betty Page at 85 and the recent development of opinionated somewhat judgemental attitudes on open sexuality I thought I would take a stab at this difficult subject at the risk of appearing to be, extremely over driven with testosterone as well as lacking in moral substance, both characteristics I would say are not very indicative of my personality although they do appear present from time to time as in anyone else.

When reading this article on Betty's death at 85, I was struck by the paradox that appeared within the aura of my examination of her life.

For those of you who refuse to click the link and read the article and don't know who Betty Page was, in short, she was, Americas first Pin up Girl. She is credited as being one of the primary instigators of the sexual revolution of the 60's and 70's.

She was highly ridiculed by religious groups and even government agencies at the time all of which tried to demonize her and sensor her willingness to explore her own, and female sexuality in general. She in essence had been there done that Larry Flint story long before Mr Flint himself.

When learning of her 20 month stint in a state mental facility as well as 8 years under state supervision for mental illness after several nervous breakdowns, one is prompted to think. Was there something wrong with her, or was it one aspect of society's unwillingness to accept her that drove her over the edge? I suppose those questions can only be answered by her doctors and those closest to her.

The reason I focus on this aspect of her story is because I'm interested at this moment in how our human culture has evolved or possibly devolved in our public outlook on female sexuality and how that relates to our private personal outlook on female sexuality. In short I like sex.lol



Yummy

Why do people still in today's age sometimes judge it or demonize it. I would like to think we have come somewhere since then and to a certain extent we have but the old right wing values are ever so present. People have developed many new words and phrases to classify there uncomfortable attitudes toward women who display themselves in a sensual fashion such as, slut, slutty, whore, hussie, cheap, cheap date,trashy.
I'm sure there are more but that is enough to make the point. What is the meaning of each of these words? Its completely relative to the individual and there own experiences or lack there of with sex and/or sexuality. Each and everyone of these words can be dissected and analyzed as to there validity depending on the circumstances and personality of the individual who is using them. They can have completely different meanings and when you put the individual using them under a micro-scope you can pretty much in most cases render the words irrelevant, and completely useless because there is usually something highly subjective going on in the mind of the user of the words that begs the question, when was the last time you got laid?

Through out our recent history in pop culture we have seen cultural icons develop who crossed the line a we bit in there use of there own sexuality to further there success.
But was that really the case? Or was it just circumstance? Was it that those individuals who appeared to be somewhat promiscuous, slutty or sensual, just happened to be young women comfortable enough with there own sexuality so that they were able to appease a suppressed need in society to satisfy the fascination of masses?



If you have ever looked at a hot chic scantly clad and made a quick judgement about her ask yourself this. What is going on in my life in my own mind and my own emotional state that causes me to pass such a harsh judgement on that gorgeous sensual being?
And then dig into the coffers of your own sexuality and ask yourself if your not the same way perhaps in a more private fashion and remember that some people are more private than others. But it is the ones who choose to be a little less private that stretch your own imagination and education giving you further insight to your own personal satisfaction. It is those risk takers that push the boundaries that make each and every one of us more aware of how beautiful the human love making and sexual experience can be.
I genuinely feel that when I see a young woman utilizing her sexuality and exploring herself, getting to know herself and sharing that with the world that its not degrading or cheap or slutty. Its empowering. Its empowering because its a young woman saying fuck you and your judgements, this is how I feel and there is nothing wrong with it. Men are not judged in the same way and when woman empower them selves they come that much closer to nixing the double standards that they have lived under for to long. God Bless Betty Page and others like her who have made no apologies for there bodies and openness about sexuality!

Squanto of the Wampanoag

If you are the type of person enjoying an overindulgent and glutinous day of over eating and football you may want to read this tomorrow as you re assume your diet.



Thanksgiving is many different things to many Americans most of which have not much to do with the original intent of the holiday. Its turkey, stuffing, football, pie, and for most, to much of the above. In fact the only positive twist American culture has bestowed upon this holiday is the gathering of family and friends who don't normally get to spend time with each other. As I don't have my son on thanksgiving, the last few have not been very enjoyable to me so I have opted an alternative way of spending the day
I have tried to help out over the years by giving food to homeless, serving at
various restaurants that serve free dinners for people less fortunate and generally trying to help those in need. This has become the true meaning of thanksgiving for me.

For those of you who read my blog who are not American and would like to know how thanksgiving came about I will share a short version of the story.

When the first settlers arrived at Plymouth rock there first year was an extremely difficult one. They were faced with a long harsh winter ahead of them after a season of failed crops. They were tired and hungry and most would not have lasted to the turn of the year. A man of the Wampanoag tribe, Squanto, and his people brought food to them and they came together Native Americans and Europeans to enjoy a meal and learn of each other. It did not stop there, the native Americans shared what they had with the destitute pilgrims throughout the winter and kept them alive. From there after the pilgrims would a lot a day in the harvest season to give thanks originally to the natives but also to god for keeping them alive that first year.




As it turned out, the native Americans sacrificed a lot more than there food.
As a result of interaction with Europeans 95% of the native Americans died because the Europeans brought with them diseases like smallpox typhoid flu,etc. Diseases they had not built up immunity to due to there isolation. The most note worthy incident marked by the famous "Trail of Tears" in which the government marched the Cherokee nation west of the Mississippi river as the largest relocation project in American History. They gave them blankets for there trip that were not sanitized from European disease and over 65000 of them died during there trip.




As I am a lover in the beauty of that culture more and more over the years I have a very difficult time celebrating.

So I would say to my friends to enjoy your Holiday but remember the sacrifices that have been made that you could enjoy the bounty of your harvest and try to sacrifice
something today in rememberance. And I would also ask that you add the word sacrifice to your meaning of Thanksgiving and do something for some one in need.

More On Bird Tribes, and other teachings

Think of a pin point of refraction massed with so much energy that a light beams out in all directions from the center.
Think of the energy of a star so powerful that it shines across countless light years to refract off that pinpoint in your eyes.



It sparkles, the eye does, it radiates, it harnesses that power and assembles the energy that was your scattered soul. It fuses itself inside you until you are found. It burns with so much fury that it grows inside you like a blue flame and eventually awakens your heart. It becomes you, it is you, it always was you.




It always will be you, throughout eternity. You are it, in this body and others. And when you are awakened completely from the drowse that would be the corrupted, mundane and ordinary existence brought to you by those,whom would suppress you and feed off of your suffering, you will recognize and know your kind. You will know that you have always know them. Loved them with a pure heart and kindness and consideration for the collective. You will be drawn to them no matter how far a part the cages were placed. You will do this because in your burning blue heart you know together you can awaken others to truth justice and love. And you can harness the collective energy that would again allow you to fly... and be free with others like you.



This blog is completely inspired by the fire in your eyes and a beautiful book written by Ken Carey called "Return of the Bird Tribes". Its a good read.

Wolf Pack, Bird Tribe, and other teachings

I wanted to catch up, to my own excitable thoughts a bit here as they have been quite recently dominated with the ever so hard to manage, bouncy characteristic. Actually bouncy does not accurately depict the super ball effect that recent activities have had on my con contemplative, cognitive process.
A few thoughts:

1) On teaching:


I recently had the unforeseen pleasure of having several students sit in on a recording and mix session I was doing this past weekend at Quad studios in Times Square. I have never been interested in teaching classes or private students in the past because speaking as modestly as I possibly can,
the only people that could afford the time investment required on my part were spoiled rich kids with out an ounce of talent or drive to make the experience worth either one of our time. So having had extremely unsatisfactory results at past attempts I have opted against that sort of thing. This is not to say however that I don't enjoy the satisfaction that comes when seeing younger colleagues "get it" when it comes from my sometimes extremely tough and unorthodox approaches to sharing powerful information with them that could determine there future successes and failures. The class started at about 1pm with about 8 students and as the day went on from painless recording and occasional breaks, for me to talk about war stories of old with kids who were all to appreciative to here about behind the scenes drama regarding some of there hero's and icons.(excuse me, I know that was a long sentence) It went from that into a long and extremely intense mix down session that lingered until the wee hours of the next day. At times I'm sure this became painful as most, all except for two of the students bailed because they lost interest or just did not have the stamina to sit and wait for the juicy good stuff to start flowing.
The juiciest of which would be my absolute need for substance to override the excruciating pain of a cavity that has just recently formed in my lower left jaw and a broken toe that was the product of a hard drive that thought it had wings and decided to land on my foot. If these two die hard students learned anything from me it would be that old additive, "the show must go on." Actually I would word it more like "The show absolutely must mother fucking go on." And it did, and they watched and learned as a masterpiece was created. Without getting into further detail, suffice to say, Mike and Allesio have earned points and respect in my book for the sheer fact that they kept up with me, kept there mouths shut unless requested to speak, anticipated my needs, drank and smoked with me, and just all around proved that they have a desire to learn and be great at something even if achieving that requires sacrificing your Sunday night and spending it with an abusive substance abusing critical and relentless wolf of a teacher.
This was a good experience for me. And it made me realize how much satisfaction comes from teaching younger less experienced people. I have always taught, in different ways. Not in the classroom but in interaction with my friends and there friends etc.
And it is equally satisfying to see the reactions and "faces" of people like you when you "get it". Even if its completely irrelevant to your career or your love life or anything significantly important. Sometimes its just about telling you the best subway route to Brooklyn. The important thing is that when someone out there appreciates and shows excitement and initiative to take lessons learned and apply them it makes a person feel special. And that's how I feel today. Thank you.
So that is my Wolf Pack spew for this evening. This is long so I will continue with the Bird Tribe aspects tomorrow or the next. Promise

True Brilliance

True Genius and Brilliance can not be achieved without passion, complete dedication and complete sacrifice to achieve an end.



If you have been lucky enough to have someone cause you the kind of hurt to make you
realize this while your young enough to change it. Then consider your self blessed.
Passion will only brush you so many times before it is neglected and lost.
When nurtured, ahhh, then magic we will soon see.

"Without Contraries is no Progression"

"Without contraries is no Progression" is a quote from William Blake a British poet from the romantic period. This is from a piece called "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell."

I bring this particular quote up because I think the piece and the quote perfectly personify the sublime point I want to make. William Blake was well known for his use of artistic sublimity to confuse and offset his readers from taking things at face value. When they became trained to his style it opened up entirely knew thought processes to there minds and gave them much deeper and richer experiences to the meanings of his writings. He used extremely contrasting images and words to create this effect. "Artistically Sublime" is a term William Hogarth used to describe this and other contrary images in prose and paintings of his time.

Are you artistically sublime? Do you say one thing and mean another? Do you do this to make the viewer or listener examine there own thoughts and emotions deeper? When you do this do you achieve the desired results?
I think the answer to the last question answers them all. How sublime of me.lol
I think this quality has evolved since Blake. In fact I think it has not only become a very enharrant part of pop culture in all the arts of the late 20th and early 21st century, I think it has
reared its head in the way modern day people communicate via social media. And I think that that is both a beautifully artistic spin-off and also a very negative aspect to the physical comunicative interaction of all of us i people. Interestingly contrary don't you think?
On one hand people are opened up to an entire new dimmension of expression, sharing , interaction and even serious emotions such as love, hate.etc. This can be a very rewarding experience but it can also hinder the development of the individuals sense of reality and truth in the physical world which in turn can make them very unhappy at times if not clynically deppressed. What can we do to get the best of both worlds?

I can not answer this question yet but I think for now because the genie is out of the bottle we may as well go with it and try to keep a healthy balence. When you feel the need to be contrary, there is a reason for it. When you feel the need to go with the flow, there is a reason for it. Go with your feelings, say what you mean or the opposite but remember when you want to acheive exact results to not be so dam sublime about it.
Am i being not sublime enough for you? Or am i just trying to make you think?
Regardless , we need both of these elements in our future, the contrast is what helps us progress and evolve to be , well, just better.

Emulating Greatness

From the Albany Times Union, June 12th 2008
Conway Jr. M.D., William Francis

Conway, William Francis Jr., MD GLENMONT, N.Y. William Francis Conway Jr., MD, 69, chief of medicine at St. Peter's Healthcare Services, passed away suddenly at home on Wed-nesday, June 11, 2008 surrounded by his loved ones. He is survived by his beloved wife and best friend of 46 years, Barbara Butler Conway; and his greatest treasures, his sons, William F. Conway IV and wife Claire, Wayne, Pa., Timothy Butler Conway, Delmar, N.Y.; and his precious grandsons, William F. Conway V (Liam) and Quinn Anthony

I would like to add to this obituary because I feel a lot more needs to be said about a man who spent his entire life looking out for others health, others care, others well being. What Bill may have lacked in emotional displays of affection he more than made up for in his quiet way of displaying strength to all of us. He did it in his very eloquent way of appearing to never fault during the most difficult of times and though he probably kept a lot to himself, he was always the rock for his family and friends. When ever I had a problem or a friend needed some kind of advice
he had a way of making the problem go away by putting the reality of it into a grander perspective and always making me feel better about it. Once the problem was reduced to its true size it was easier to manage and he always did what he could (which was usually more than enough) to squash the remainder of the issue. It’s hard to imagine who could fill the shoes of such an accomplished and distinguished person.

He always pushed me to do and be better, because of his refusal to acknowledge mundane, trivial, and shallow pursuits that his life experience had told him would never truly generate happiness or satisfaction.
I remember once as a boy when my brothers and cousins were embarking on another epic trip out in the wilderness he looked at me and said, "you're in charge" be responsible and watch out for the others." I asked him "why me? Why do I always have to be the responsible one?" He said, "just do it, it’s who you are."

As I reflect on my current transitional struggle in life, one that has been the most difficult and emotionally draining of my entire life I remember his words and his way and feel energized to go on. Though his life has ended, His memory and spirit are still in my mind pushing me to go on and get through it. Some how I know that I can do it by emulating his way, just a little, taking a bit of what I have gotten from him and applying it to now. If all of us can emulate just a little bit of the finer hidden side to this man, we will continue to be strong, virtuous and above all safe.

To view the complete obit. click the title of this post.

The Holiday of Fertility

I'm not inspired. I'm not amused. I'm not happy, with much that is going on. I can't get anything done.
I've been pre-paid to mix an album, have plenty of time to do it and can not even get my sad self to go
to my private studio and finish the dam thing. I have nothing to write about, yet I want to write, so I'm writing
my thoughts as they come to the top of my head. I kept putting off work to the end of the week thinking I'll still get
done what I need to and then at the last minute someone else fucked up their job causing me to have to revisit
work that I have already spent to much time on. Yes, the so called professionals, the best in the buisness, fucking
up, and because its my first film I refuse to let it go to print with there mistakes. Thanks for listening to me
you self involved union, bonehead pricks. What do you do so well that causes you to charge the rates you do
and then I go to a premeir to find the sub track completely missing. And you all know dam well I sat there in
the studio and pointed out that I did not hear enough sub and that the meter #6 was not showing any level.
But I'm the new guy. So... You will fix your mistake at your own cost. Pitty something as simple as a bad patch
cable could level your profit because dolby I'm sure won't be coming back for free. As for me, I have full intention
of having this film sound incredible and you will not politic me into oblivion on my first effort. I should already sue you
for the damage done at the screening. Its my good name, yours is there to so why the lack of attention to detail.
Is this poor little indy film not important enough to you? Not enough money? How sad, its a pity your so lost
that you can't see what is right in front of you.

And I have seen this many times before and dealt with it my whole carreer but now its just harder to deal with
because what filled the gaps before is somehow missing. What I truly need, and want has fallen through the cracks
and I somehow know that I can't recapture my previous level of productiveness, excellence and wholeness without sinking into the abyss grabbing it lifting it out of the hole and pulling it to me, embracing it, saving it, loving it, nurturing it, turning it around, bending it over and then absolutely fucking it silly.

Then and only then will the spring time be warm and sunny. And sunny it will be. Dam those little bunnies were on to something.lol

And as usual click the title for a related thing.

In Conclusion

I think what I have learned from Caitlin's video, Blog and comments is that we don't always have to hold ourselves to the highest standards when seeking and giving entertainment. Sometimes our brains just need to relax and enjoy simple things.
But I will say that we do need to make sure we differentiate the various levels because
there are times when excellence is called for, not only in entertainment but in life.
If we don't have the higher standard to strive for then we all could quite possible be facing extinction. When we live in a time where our top scientists cost taxpayers billions of dollars because of simple oversights like metric to inches conversions then who really is accountable. We are, along with our stupid governments and low expectations not only in media, but in ourselves and our leaders. So lets step it up a notch, Magibons cool, but lets not lose ourselves in mindless pleasures, theraputic as they may be to often. The fall of the Greek and Roman empires can be attributed to this same sort of folly. Now I'm off to kill some brain cells in a desperate attempt to appeal to the masses.lol
chris

Something in the way she...

I want to communicate more.
Sometimes the stress and confusion, downright chaos in life can make that task daunting. As I started to type this morning my mind shut down. Actually thats not a proper description. My mind overloaded. Electrical surges pinging back and forth from one side of the skull to another, splitting and multi-plying and for every surge a thought that could not be resolved. Can't pay the mortgage until this check clears, check won't clear until the funds become available, funds won't become available until the lawyers finish there meetings, could take months. In the meantime, everyone else and there fucking brother wants to get paid. And I'm ready to sell everything and build a cabin on a mountain in Wyoming just to make the surges stop.

In reality, I want to stay.

But I need to rest my head

I need silence

I need to express myself with out words.

Just being, comfortable being comforted, lying with what might seem like nothingness to some, but in reality its the most something of anything.

The E emotional fast lane

In my last update I mentioned, acting responsibly when interacting with the emotions of our fellow e netter thingy people, friends, fans, lovers,or what ever niche or title floats your supercharged, nitro injected, fully blown, cherrybombed through hull exaust, cleaver propped offshore race boat these day's. I guess what I'm trying to say is, tooooo fast is an understatement when you consider the weather in the north atlantic this time of year. Lots of iceburgs and you know what they say. Only the tip is visable.

However, I'm reminded of my youth when reckless abandon and throwing caution to the wind were the only true means of experiencing the thrill of the ride for all the value and thrill that that thrill had to offer. My words are repetitive I know. So I will repeat this,
My friends and I have destroyed many a boat racing with reckless abandon to our next great experience.
My friends and I have destroyed many a boat racing with reckless ambition to our next great acheivement.

The greatest things I've done were not planned. They were reckless, ambitious, heartfelt and real. And dam they were rewarding. And so is this. Its reckless, its crazy, its stupid, and so are you. But I love you for it and as long as your real and your instincts are tuned, your peripheral vision super aware, your foresight sharp. Your going to have a hell of a good god dam time.
But one caution to remember because its extremely important. All of this is completely mute if you don't keep it real. Because if it was real, the outcome will alway's be positive in the long run. But if the experience is built on lies, someone alway's gets hurt. So today's blog message, Make sure you use the the higest quality fuel in your net boat. That way you can be confidant the engine will not fail you. Oh, and change the oil on a regular basis. ha ha.
click the title of this entry for a show.
xxxooo
chris

"Lost In Translation"

I'm recently charged on delicious but unhealthy Chinese food and feel I can put a dent in tackling this complex issue so;


So,

So your artistic,creative, talented, funny,entertaining, capable of manifesting that image on video and oh, almost forgot, young and beautiful. Me, I'm older, creative,have been called talented, accomplished , enjoy being entertained, and oh almost forgot, last time I checked a man, yes let me check, yes still a man.

In the quickly evolving world of the internet, we are concerned. Having been bombarded with NBC Dateline type images of perverted pedophiles, stalkers, con artists, identity thieves and the list goes on. And that does suck for people who are members of the groups that are we(mentioned above) because it can be scary. And I would add that its just as scary being a somewhat normal well, who am I kidding I am not normal, man in the latter mentioned group for fear of being labeled and cast into one of the groups mentioned at the top of this paragraph.

I can only speak for myself but I'm sure a lot of men would agree with me that the entertainment and interaction I go for on you tube is a very wide variety of styles and personalities. Young, old, middle, serious, goofy, men, woman. Its all out there
and its all satisfying depending on a persons mood.

Personally I don't watch you tube videos for sexual gratification. Honestly, never even thought of it. There is plenty of real porn on the internet if thats what a person, hell, might as well say it me, I mean if thats what I'm looking for. Do I look at porn on the internet from time to time. Hell yes, like I said before, I'm a man, and any man who denies that to you is lying through there repressed teeth and a lot of woman also, though they may be frequenting different types of sites. So with a few exceptions I would say to young woman on you tube who thinks there all that, Don't sell yourself short. Is it so unlikely that you may be well, talented, funny and just interesting and cool to watch. Yes, yes, and me I'm fucking cool to so why would I not find you interesting and entertaining. And why are you incapable of taking your head out of your not so hot ass and realizing that you may have more to offer me than just
a piece of ass.

Any healthy community is made up of all walks of life and the interaction of those different types. Learning, teaching, inspiring, entertaining and supporting one another is what its all about. If you ostracize one group or type then your going to miss out on what they have to offer you as a human being. If you feel they have nothing to offer you then you are narrow minded and destined to repeat the mistakes of the ones you could have learned from. You will miss out on rewarding experiences that only certain people can provide you. When I was a teen I went fishing with my grandfather. Never realized then how much later in life I would appreciate what that interaction has instilled in me.

Do the lines get crossed? Do the rules get broken? What are the rules?
Yes, I believe they do. The rules and lines get blurry sometimes, they are difficult to understand for all of us. We are evolving and the best we can do is promise to treat each other with fairness, dignity and respect. Above all we have to act like responsible adults when interacting with the emotions of others. Make no mistake, if you are out there on the nets taking part in the community you are an adult,(I don't believe children under 18 should be here without adult supervision)and thus subject to dealing with adults. And they come in all different shapes and sizes so take it slow and easy, be careful, and just enjoy yourself. Your grandfather may teach you how to catch a big fish. So until next time, all is well, all is cool, and all is understood
and accepted. Keep doing you the way you do and it will all work out.

The Sounds of Silence

As I start this blog I realize that there probably is not to important of a purpose for it. Question, why do it? Answere, why not?
I have been intrigued as of late by silence. It seems to dominate the social ambiance of my personel life to the extent of about
60 to 70% of my time outside of work. Is there ever really silence? During this time I hear sound constantly. Even during the most quiet of moments. I hear the refrigerater coming on and off, the heat turning on and off. I hear the wind, the traffic, the pitter patter of footsteps out in the hallway. The cat drinking from its water bowl. Loudest and quietest of all are the sounds of my own thoughts. Thoughts of past mistakes, misfortunes, acomplishments, fortunes, choices, future plans, dreams. Thoughts of my friends and family voices, you, me, who you are, who I am, who we are, dreams. Dreams become loud, louder, loudest.

And throughout the silence remains one constant. That ringing, ringing in my left outer ear. Yes, probably tenitus from years of smacking a snare drum as the back beat of a rock and roll lifestyle that never failed me. Never failed me except for one time. That one time that took on more relevance than all the other times. Where did it leave me, or should I say bring me or find me?

It found me here. Here with you passing time in golden silence. Sweet, passionate, organic, worldwide, silence. Its comforting,
hearing my silence mixed with yours. Comforting to know your out there experiencing the same noises in your outer ear. Its comforting to know that it does not mean anything profound or immediate. Its most comforting to know that it is the sound of separate togetherness, the sound of understanding, the sound of support and compassion, and the sound of love for another and there dreams and thoughts and mistakes and accomplishments.

It is a symphony, a symphony of the evolution of life. A symphony written by everyone and every thing. And we, can all take turns conducting.